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Category Archives: Family Jokes
Tom and his wife Jenny were attending a class for parents to be. “Husbands, today we are going to focus on you!” announced the instructor. “I want you all to do the following activities as if you were the one pregnant. This way you will see how difficult everyday activities become for the pregnant women, and you will leave with a greater appreciation for your pregnant wives.”
“Wow! This is great! Finally you’ll have a feeling for what I’ve been going through!” Jenny excitedly said to Tom, as his stepped up for his assignment.
“Tom, I want you to pretend to cook dinner as if you were a tired out woman in her seventh month!”, ordered the instructor.
“Oh that’s simple” Tom confidently answered. “I know exactly how I would do it…
Honey!” he hollered. “Order us a pie of pizza for dinner tonight. I’m too tired to cook!”
A grandmother is at the toy store for hours trying to find the perfect gift for her grandson for his Birthday.
She wanders the store for hours, finally she walks to the cash register with her find, a Super Deluxe Megaphone, a megaphone with a voice-changer and flashing lights which allows kids to yell in 10 different voices.
She says to the cashier, “This is the perfect birthday gift, my grandson will love it and it will drive my Daughter-in-law crazy. She’ll hate it!”
It’s the day before Sam is going to get married. The out of town guests have begun to arrive.
Jack, the uncle of the groom goes over to Sam and wishes him congratulations.
“One day you’ll look back at this day as the happiest day of your life.” says Sam.
“But, I’m getting married tomorrow.” Sam corrects him.
“I know!” answers Jack.
A little girl was sitting on her grandmothers lap as she read her a book. She repeatedly touched her grandmothers cheek and then her own fascinated by the difference.
“Grandma” she asked, “Did God make you?”
“Yes dear,” Grandma replied, “God made me a long time ago.”
“Did God make me?” she asked.
“Yes, God made you too.” Answered Grandma.
“Well he sure has gotten better over the years, hasn’t he?
My grandfather’s a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.
– Ron Richards
An attorney was reading the last will of a rich man to his family.
“To you, my dear wife Rose, who stood by me in tough times, as well as good, I leave the house and $2 million.”
The attorney continued, “To my daughter Rebecca, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the company and $1 million.”
The attorney concluded, “And, to my cousin Larry, who loathed me, schemed against me, and thought that I would never mention him in my last will – well you are wrong. Hi Larry!
Friend: Why is your brother always flying off the handle ?
Little Brother: Because he has a screw loose !