Category Archives: Wife Jokes

Funny Bar Joke, Failed Pick Up Line

A drunk goes over to a pretty lady at a bar and kisses her.

She stands up and slaps him across the face.

“I’m sorry,” he says “You look just like my wife. I though you were her.”

Furious, she yells at him, “Why you blasted no good drunk. How dare you touch me. You disgusting pervert!”

“Wow, you even sound like her.” replies the drunk.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this Joke:
Rating: 4.1/5 (7 votes cast)
Posted in Drunk Jokes, Pick Up Line Jokes, Wife Jokes | Tagged , | Comments

Cheating Wife Joke

Tom is having trouble with his wife. He tells his psychiatrist about his troubles.

“Doctor, I don’t know what to. Every night my wife goes to a bar, gets drunk, and picks up the first guy who talks to her. She is sleeping with the entire city and it’s driving me crazy!”

The psychiatrist says to Tom, “Calm down, calm down, it’s going to be OK. Now tell me exactly where this bar is located.”

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this Joke:
Rating: 4.2/5 (9 votes cast)
Posted in Cheating Jokes, Psychiatrist Jokes, Wife Jokes | Comments

I’ve Lost My Wife Joke

Don goes up to a beautiful women in the mall and says, “I’ve lost my wife, would you do me a favor and talk to me for a few minutes.”

Puzzled, she asks him how talking to him would help him his wife again.

Don replies, “Well, whenever I talk to gorgeous woman my wife aways turns up out of nowhere.”

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this Joke:
Rating: 4.3/5 (3 votes cast)
Posted in Husband Jokes, Wife Jokes | Comments

Do You Love Me Joke

It’s in the Garden Of Eden and Eve is feeling a bit of relationship angst about her marriage with Adam.

She asks Adam “Do you love me?”

Adam replies, “Of course dear.” and them mutters to himself “Do I have a choice?”

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this Joke:
Rating: 1.3/5 (3 votes cast)
Posted in Bible Jokes, I Love You Jokes, Wife Jokes | Comments

Not Attractive Anymore Joke, Marriage Jokes

Rachel and Jennifer, married older women, are been friends for years. Rachel doesn’t think her husband finds her attractive any more.

“As I get older my husband doesn’t look at me anymore.” she complains to Jennifer.

“Really, it’s the opposite by me, the older I get the more my husband looks at me.” replies Jennifer.

“That’s because your husband is an antique dealer!” exclaims Rachel.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this Joke:
Rating: 2.3/5 (6 votes cast)
Posted in Life Long Friend Jokes, Old People Jokes, Wife Jokes | Comments

Wife Won’t Stop Talking One Liner

I haven’t spoken to my wife for 12 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this Joke:
Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
Posted in Wife Jokes | Tagged | Comments

Wife’s Birthday Joke

What’s the best way to remember your wife’s birthday?

Forget it just once.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this Joke:
Rating: 4.0/5 (1 vote cast)
Posted in Birthday Jokes, Wife Jokes | Comments

Wife Like A Psychiatrist Joke

What’s the difference between your psychiatrist and your wife?

The psychiatrist will ask you the same questions she does, only she asks them for free.

 

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this Joke:
Rating: 3.0/5 (2 votes cast)
Posted in Psychiatrist Jokes, Wife Jokes | Comments

Waiting For Wife Joke

Optimist

A husband who keeps the motor running while waiting for his wife to finish getting dressed.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this Joke:
Rating: 3.0/5 (2 votes cast)
Posted in Wife Jokes | Tagged | Comments

Rich Old Man Joke

A rich penny-pinching elderly man is on his deathbed. He turns to his long-suffering wife and says, “I want to take my money with me when I die. Promise me you’ll put it in the coffin with me.” His wife promises.

At the funeral, the new widow goes to the coffin and slips a box inside.

Her friend looks at her in horror. “Are you nuts?” she exclaims “He’s dead! Take the money for yourself.”

“I promised him I would and so I did. But, don’t worry.” the widow reassures her “I placed all the money in a new account I opened under my own name. Then I wrote him a check which I just placed in the coffin. He needs to deposit it to get the money. If he can cash it he can spend it!”

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this Joke:
Rating: 4.0/5 (1 vote cast)
Posted in Marriage Jokes, Old People Jokes, Wife Jokes | Comments