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Category Archives: Dog Jokes
When Tom and Charles were on their daily walk, the passed a restaurant and decided to get something to eat.
“Tom!” exclaimed Charles. “We can’t go in, Can’t you see the sign ‘NO PETS ALLOWED’.” Oh, I see it,” replied Tom. “That don’t matter.”
He pulls his sunglasses and walks up to the door, but before he could take another step, the doorman stopped him and said, “I’m sorry sir, no pets allowed in this restaurant.” “Look Mr.,” Tom replied “I’m blind, this is my seeing-eye dog!” “Since when is a German Shepard a seeing-eye dog?” he responded. “It’s the latest kind of seeing-eye dog, how could you not know?!” Tom shouted.
Seeing Toms success, Charles tried walking in with his Poodle. Before he even said a word, the doorman stopped him, “don’t tell me that a Poodle is the latest type of seeing-eye dog!” Thinking as fast as he could, Charles quickly answered back in an upset voice.
“You mean to tell me that they gave me a Poodle?”
Kid to Teacher:
Well I was watching my dog so he wouldn’t eat my homework….but then my hamster went and shredded it for his nest.
Man to Vet: Doctor, I need you to cut the tail off my dog.
Vet: Why would you ask me to such a terrible thing?
Man to Vet: My mother in law is coming to visit tomorrow and I want her to know she’s not welcome. If she see’s the dog wagging it’s tail she may decide to stay longer.
How do you know when a Jewish puppy has finally matured into a dog?
He has a Bark Mitzvah!
Three race horses are taking in a stable.
One of them starts to boast, “In the last 20 races, I’ve won 13 of them!”
The second says, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 18!!”
“That’s pretty good” says the third one “but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 27!” and he flicks his tail.
Looking around, they notice that a greyhound dog has sat there quietly listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
The horses are amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog.”