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Category Archives: Jokes For The Criminal
A lawyer, rabbi and Hindu are travelling together through the country. They stop at a farmhouse and ask to spend the night. The farmer says, “I have space for two of you in the house, one of you will have to sleep in the barn.”
The Hindu offers to sleep in the barn. After a few minutes the Hindu comes back and says, “There is a cow in the barn. Cows are sacred in my religion. I can’t sleep together with a cow.
The rabbi offers to sleep in the barn. After a few minutes the rabbi comes back and says, “There is a pig in the barn. Pigs are unclean in my religion. I can’t sleep together with a pig.
So, the lawyer goes to sleep in the barn. After a few minutes the pig and the cow knock on the door….
Tom needs some legal advice and so he walks into a lawyers office. As they sit down Tom remembers to ask the lawyer about the cost.
“How much do you charge for advice?” Tom asks.
“One hundred and fifty dollars for three questions.” responds the lawyer.
Shocked, Tom asks, “Isn’t that expensive?”
“Yes,” replies the lawyer, “What is your third question?”
Frank and Annette are at a party celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary together with friends and family at a nice restaurant. Frank doesn’t look so happy and his friend Michael a lawyer notices and goes over to him and asks him what’s wrong.
Frank says, “Remember fifteen years ago I asked you what would happen if I killed my wife Annette?”
“Yes, I do” replies Michael “I told you would get fifteen years in prison.”
“Well today I would have been a free man!” replies Frank.
An elderly couple walks into the office of a divorce lawyer.
“We want a divorce.” they tell him.
Taken aback the lawyer asks them how old they are. “I’m 87 and he’s 92.”, the wife replies.
“How long have you been married?” asks the lawyer. “65 years!” is the reply.
“So why now do you want a divorce?”, asks the lawyer.
“We wanted to wait until all the kids were dead.”
Police officer: How did you get involved in counterfeiting?
Prisoner: I saw an ad that said, “Make money at home.”
An old man living alone on his farm writes to his son in prison.
“Dear Jim, I’m feeling down because I’m just too old to plant my potato garden this year. It’s too much digging.”
Jim write back. “Dad, don’t dig up the garden that’s where I buried the bodies!”
That day a van full of FBI agents stormed into the backyard and dug up the entire garden. They didn’t find anything and left apologizing to the old man.
Soon the farmer received another letter.
“Dear Dad, It was the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Jim”