Category Archives: Jokes For The Doctor

Judgment In Heaven Joke

Sam was standing at the gates of heaven, having just died moments before.  “Why aren’t I being let in?” asked Sam upon seeing the concerned look on the angel’s face.  “Well, to tell you the truth, according to these papers, it seems like you don’t really belong here,” replied the angel.  “I’ll tell you what I can do for you though,” the merciful angel said.  “Has there ever been a time when you saved someone’s life?  That should be enough to get you into here.”  “Yes!” Sam eagerly responded.  “Once I was sitting at the beach when I heard faint screams and saw a head bobbing up and down in the water.  I ran as fast as I could into the waters even though I couldn’t swim, just so I could save the guy’s life.  As I neared him, I felt the waters getting deeper and deeper, but I told myself to just keep on going so I could save the guy.”  “When did this happen?” asked the impressed angel.  “Oh, a just a few seconds ago”, responded Sam.

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Deathbed Joke

“Well, I think the time has finally come,” the professor sadly exclaimed.  “As you all know, I was visiting the Dean as he was on his deathbed, and as he took he his last breaths in this world, he put great effort into writing me a message onto a piece of paper.  I could see how difficult just jotting down the message was for him, and then he signaled to me to come and take the paper from him.  I have been waiting,”  the professor said emotionally, “to share this message with all of you, the students of this University in which he took so much pride in.  I will now read his words to you, which I myself have not yet read.”  With that the professor unfolded the piece of paper he had been holding onto since the death of the Dean, and read in a loud clear voice for all the students to hear, ” You are standing on my oxygen wire, MOVE!”

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Rating: 4.9/5 (14 votes cast)
Posted in Death Jokes, Funeral Jokes, Teacher Jokes, University Jokes | Comments

Health Insurance Joke

Funny Hospital Gown

Q. How is Health insurance just like a hospital gown.

A. You only think you’re covered.

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Rating: 4.0/5 (21 votes cast)
Posted in Cheesy Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Money Jokes | Tagged , , | Comments

Corny Flattened By Steam Roller Joke For Kids

Flattened by Steamroller
Did you hear about the man who was flattened by a steam roller?

He’s in the hospital, rooms 30 through 35.

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Rating: 2.6/5 (13 votes cast)
Posted in Cheesy Jokes, Hospital Jokes | Comments

Funny Quote About Prayer And Schizophrenia

Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic? ~ Lily Tomlin

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Rating: 3.1/5 (10 votes cast)
Posted in Funny Quotes, God Jokes, Mental Illness Jokes, Prayer Jokes | Comments

Bad Date Escape Joke

Jack and Susan are on a blind date at a nice restaurant.

The date is going terrible and Jack just wants to leave, but he can’t because they are waiting for the main course to arrive.

Fortunately, Jack, an experienced dater has foreseen this happening and has arraigned with a friend to call him midway through the date to see how things are going.

His friend finally calls his cell phone, Jack answers, listens for a minute and says, “Oh No!”. He hangs up and tells Susan, “I have to go my grandmother just died.”

Susan, also an experience dater says, “Thank goodness, my grandmother was about to die!”

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Rating: 3.9/5 (8 votes cast)
Posted in Breaking Up Jokes, Dating Jokes, Death Jokes | Comments

Cheating Wife Joke

Tom is having trouble with his wife. He tells his psychiatrist about his troubles.

“Doctor, I don’t know what to. Every night my wife goes to a bar, gets drunk, and picks up the first guy who talks to her. She is sleeping with the entire city and it’s driving me crazy!”

The psychiatrist says to Tom, “Calm down, calm down, it’s going to be OK. Now tell me exactly where this bar is located.”

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Rating: 3.7/5 (23 votes cast)
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Psychiatrist Can’t Keep Secrets Joke

Three psychiatrist are talking about how everyone comes to them with their problems but they have no one to go to with their problems. They agree to share their problems with each other.

The first psychiatrist says, “I’m addicted to Barbiturates. I write myself prescriptions all the time.”

The second psychiatrist says, “I’m a compulsive gambler. I overcharge my patients to pay for my gambling addiction.”

The third psychiatrist says, “I can’t keep a secret. My patients tell me their secrets in confidence and I divulge it to everyone.”

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Rating: 3.9/5 (9 votes cast)
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Mental Patient Joke

The psychiatrist moves close to the young man in the hospital room. He is staring straight ahead oblivious to his surroundings. Suddenly he starts yelling, “I can’t see! I can’t see!”

Taken aback, the psychiatrist turns to the boy’s mother who is sitting nearby, “Has long has this been going on?”

“Ever since you stepped in front of the TV.” is the lackadaisical response.

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Rating: 3.2/5 (9 votes cast)
Posted in Hospital Jokes, Mental Illness Jokes, Psychiatrist Jokes | Comments

Funny Cemetery Joke

Funny Conversation Overheard at The Cemetery

A crowd gathers at the Cemetery, as an elderly women’s burial service is finishing up.

As they lower the lady into her grave, there is a load outburst of thunder with flashes of lighting.

“Yep, she’s there” says the husband to the shaken priest.

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Rating: 3.6/5 (11 votes cast)
Posted in Death Jokes, Husband Jokes, Priest Jokes | Comments