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Category Archives: Psychiatrist Jokes
Tom is having trouble with his wife. He tells his psychiatrist about his troubles.
“Doctor, I don’t know what to. Every night my wife goes to a bar, gets drunk, and picks up the first guy who talks to her. She is sleeping with the entire city and it’s driving me crazy!”
The psychiatrist says to Tom, “Calm down, calm down, it’s going to be OK. Now tell me exactly where this bar is located.”
Three psychiatrist are talking about how everyone comes to them with their problems but they have no one to go to with their problems. They agree to share their problems with each other.
The first psychiatrist says, “I’m addicted to Barbiturates. I write myself prescriptions all the time.”
The second psychiatrist says, “I’m a compulsive gambler. I overcharge my patients to pay for my gambling addiction.”
The third psychiatrist says, “I can’t keep a secret. My patients tell me their secrets in confidence and I divulge it to everyone.”
The psychiatrist moves close to the young man in the hospital room. He is staring straight ahead oblivious to his surroundings. Suddenly he starts yelling, “I can’t see! I can’t see!”
Taken aback, the psychiatrist turns to the boy’s mother who is sitting nearby, “Has long has this been going on?”
“Ever since you stepped in front of the TV.” is the lackadaisical response.
What’s the difference between your psychiatrist and your wife?
The psychiatrist will ask you the same questions she does, only she asks them for free.
A man was attacked and left bleeding in a ditch. Two psychiatrists passed by, and one said to the other, “We must find the man who did this—he needs help.”
“A penny for your thoughts” is one expression you’ll never hear your Psychiatrist say.