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Category Archives: Marriage Jokes
Tom and his wife Jenny were attending a class for parents to be. “Husbands, today we are going to focus on you!” announced the instructor. “I want you all to do the following activities as if you were the one pregnant. This way you will see how difficult everyday activities become for the pregnant women, and you will leave with a greater appreciation for your pregnant wives.”
“Wow! This is great! Finally you’ll have a feeling for what I’ve been going through!” Jenny excitedly said to Tom, as his stepped up for his assignment.
“Tom, I want you to pretend to cook dinner as if you were a tired out woman in her seventh month!”, ordered the instructor.
“Oh that’s simple” Tom confidently answered. “I know exactly how I would do it…
Honey!” he hollered. “Order us a pie of pizza for dinner tonight. I’m too tired to cook!”
Sammy couldn’t take it anymore. His wife Shirley had been nudging him for months to see the Doctor about his high blood pressure. He had finally made the appointment simply because he couldn’t take it any longer.
As he walked in the front door after his appointment, an anxious Shirley was there waiting for him. Bracing herself for the worst, she asked Sammy how the appointment went, as she nervously eyed the bottle of pills he had come home with.
“Everything’s fine”, Sammy happily told her. All he gave me was this bottle of tranquilizers.”
“Tranquilizers?” asked a confused Shirley. “I’ve never heard of them giving tranquilizers?!”
“Oh, they’re not for me,” Sammy triumphantly replied. “They’re for you!”
Why are married women fatter then single women?
Single women look in the fridge, see what’s there and go to bed.
Married women look in the bed see what’s there and go to the fridge.
Funny Conversation Overheard
Old Man reminiscing in a nursing home:
“Yes, my wife and I, we had a long and loving marriage. Bless her soul, we had 40 happy years together. Out of 50, that’s not too bad!”
“The formula for a happy marriage? It’s the same as the one for living in California: when you find a fault, don’t dwell on it.” – Jay Trachman
Top 10 differences between love and marriage
- Love is cuddling on the couch. Marriage is deciding which couch.
- Love is a flickering flame. Marriage is a flickering TV.
- Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
- Love is talking about having kids. Marriage is talking of getting a break from the kids.
- Love is sweet nothing in the ear. Marriage is nothing in the bank.
- Love is when you phone each other just to say Hi. Marriage is when you phone each other to find out when to pick up the kids.
- Love is like one long sweet dream. Marriage is like an alarm clock.
- Love is when you say you would go through hell for her. Marriage is hell.
- Love is when you decide to become one. Marriage is when you try to decide which one.
- Love is when he yearns for her. Marriage is when he earns for her.
Doctor: You’re going to have to stop taking your troubles to sleep with you if you want to cure your insomnia.
Patient: I know but what can I do my wife refuses to sleep alone.
Husband: Dear, I wish you could make pies like my mother used to make.
Wife: I wish you could make dough like my father used to make.
The secret to a happy marriage is dinner out at least twice a week, and then a long relaxing walk home. My wife eats out on Tuesdays, and I eat out on Fridays.