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Category Archives: Wife Jokes
Tom and his wife Jenny were attending a class for parents to be. “Husbands, today we are going to focus on you!” announced the instructor. “I want you all to do the following activities as if you were the one pregnant. This way you will see how difficult everyday activities become for the pregnant women, and you will leave with a greater appreciation for your pregnant wives.”
“Wow! This is great! Finally you’ll have a feeling for what I’ve been going through!” Jenny excitedly said to Tom, as his stepped up for his assignment.
“Tom, I want you to pretend to cook dinner as if you were a tired out woman in her seventh month!”, ordered the instructor.
“Oh that’s simple” Tom confidently answered. “I know exactly how I would do it…
Honey!” he hollered. “Order us a pie of pizza for dinner tonight. I’m too tired to cook!”
Sammy couldn’t take it anymore. His wife Shirley had been nudging him for months to see the Doctor about his high blood pressure. He had finally made the appointment simply because he couldn’t take it any longer.
As he walked in the front door after his appointment, an anxious Shirley was there waiting for him. Bracing herself for the worst, she asked Sammy how the appointment went, as she nervously eyed the bottle of pills he had come home with.
“Everything’s fine”, Sammy happily told her. All he gave me was this bottle of tranquilizers.”
“Tranquilizers?” asked a confused Shirley. “I’ve never heard of them giving tranquilizers?!”
“Oh, they’re not for me,” Sammy triumphantly replied. “They’re for you!”
A drunk goes over to a pretty lady at a bar and kisses her.
She stands up and slaps him across the face.
“I’m sorry,” he says “You look just like my wife. I though you were her.”
Furious, she yells at him, “Why you blasted no good drunk. How dare you touch me. You disgusting pervert!”
“Wow, you even sound like her.” replies the drunk.
Tom is having trouble with his wife. He tells his psychiatrist about his troubles.
“Doctor, I don’t know what to. Every night my wife goes to a bar, gets drunk, and picks up the first guy who talks to her. She is sleeping with the entire city and it’s driving me crazy!”
The psychiatrist says to Tom, “Calm down, calm down, it’s going to be OK. Now tell me exactly where this bar is located.”
Don goes up to a beautiful women in the mall and says, “I’ve lost my wife, would you do me a favor and talk to me for a few minutes.”
Puzzled, she asks him how talking to him would help him his wife again.
Don replies, “Well, whenever I talk to gorgeous woman my wife aways turns up out of nowhere.”
It’s in the Garden Of Eden and Eve is feeling a bit of relationship angst about her marriage with Adam.
She asks Adam “Do you love me?”
Adam replies, “Of course dear.” and them mutters to himself “Do I have a choice?”
Rachel and Jennifer, married older women, are been friends for years. Rachel doesn’t think her husband finds her attractive any more.
“As I get older my husband doesn’t look at me anymore.” she complains to Jennifer.
“Really, it’s the opposite by me, the older I get the more my husband looks at me.” replies Jennifer.
“That’s because your husband is an antique dealer!” exclaims Rachel.
What’s the difference between your psychiatrist and your wife?
The psychiatrist will ask you the same questions she does, only she asks them for free.