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Category Archives: Work Jokes
A skinny lumberjack shows up at a lumber camp looking for work.
He is told, “You don’t have what it takes. We’re looking for someone big and strong.”
The skinny lumberjack replies, “Give me a chance to show you what I can do.”
The boss replies, “Ok, see that giant tree over there, go cut it down.”
The skinny lumberjack cuts it down without breaking a sweat.
“Wow!” says the boss, “Where did you learn how to cut trees like that?”
“In the Sahara Forest.” the lumberjack replies.
“You mean the Sahara Desert?” says the boss.
“Well sure, that’s what they call it now!” laughs the lumberjack.
Funny Flight Attendant Announcement
Please decide what you will be doing before you enter the lavatory, as once you enter there is no turning around.
Interviewer to applicant applying for job at Citrus Grove.
“Do you have any experience picking Lemons?”
“Well, I’ve been divorced four times”
The CEO is in a cab with his two Senior Manager on the way to a business lunch. In the cab is an odd-looking lamp. The CEO picks it up and rubs it and a genie appears. The genie looks around and says, “I’ll give each of you one wish.”
The first Senior Manager eagerly grabs the lamp from his boss and says, “I’m relaxing on a beautiful yacht in the Bahamas without a worry in the world.”
Poof! The first Senior Manager disappears.
The second Senior Manager grabs the lamp and shouts, “I’m in the Swiss Alps, skiing with only the beautiful landscape for company.”
Poof! The second Senior Manager disappears.
The CEO watches them disappear. He then picks up lamp and says, “I want those two idiots back in the office after lunch.”
Jack is very depressed. His business has lost a lot of value in the recession and the stock market has taken another turn for the worse. Jack’s wife urges him to go and talk to the family priest. Jack reluctantly agrees to make an appointment. Jack sits down and unburdens himself the spiritual adviser. The priest thinks for a long time, but finally he finds a solution. “Jack, this is what you need to do. Take your Bible and go somewhere peaceful where you can communicate with the Lord. Sit down and meditate and try to accept the Lord in to your heart. When you have reached inner peace I want you to slowly open your Bible and let the wind ruffle the pages. When the wind stops, look down at the page which the Bible is opened to. There you will find your answer.” Jack is a bit skeptical, but the priest is serious and Jack decides he doesn’t have anything better to do. The priest doesn’t see Jack again for a few months. One day, Jack shows up at the church in a fancy car and expensive suit and hands the priest an envelope with a large donation to the church. “Father, I want to thank you for your excellent advice! I followed your instructions to the letter. When the wind finally stopped blowing it took me awhile to find any message, but then I looked at the bottom of the page. Chapter 11!
Karen, a Customer Service Rep was in the hospital for an operation.
Her family gathered in her room waiting for her to wake up after the operation. The sound of the beeping of the electronic equipment in the background began to grow on everyone’s nerves.
To Karen, however the sounds must have reassured her for the sounds were the same as the one played at work when a new customer was on the line. As she began to wake up her family gathered around her. Suddenly Karen jumped up and said, “Hi this is Karen, How can I help you?”
Dan, a young man somehow found himself agreeing to babysit one night for a young mother, a friend of his mother.
After getting the kids to be quiet in the back, Dan turned on the TV and settled back to watch the game. “This isn’t so bad.” he thought.
Just then a kid stuck his head out into the living room. “Back to bed.” cried Dan. The kid tried it a few more times but eventually he settled down and appeared to have given up testing the new babysitter.
After awhile, there was a knock on the door, it was the neighbor, “Is my son, Johnny here?” she asked. “Nope” said the babysitter “No neighborhood kids here.”
Just then a head popped out from the back, “Mom, I’m back here, I’ve tried to come home but he wouldn’t let me.”