Category Archives: Jokes

Top 10 Corny Jokes List

  • What’s black and white and red all over.
    A newspaper.
  • What happens to a grape when an elephant steps on it?
    It lets out a little whine.
  • What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
    A Nervous Wreck.
  • What’s black, white, black, white, black, white?
    A penguin rolling down a hill.
  • There are 3 types of people.
    Those who can count and those who can’t.
  • How many sound check guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    One. Two. One, Two. One.
  • Why did the math book look so sad?
    Cause he had a lot of problems
  • Why was the little strawberry crying?
    Because his parents were in a jam.
  • It’s not hard to meet expenses.
    They’re everywhere.
  • What do you get when you cross a cheetah and a hamburger?
    Fast Food!
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Funny Quote About Prayer And Schizophrenia

Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic? ~ Lily Tomlin

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Funny Quote About Work

Work is a slice of your life. It’s not the entire pizza. – Jacquelyn Mitchard

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Funny Quote About Cats

Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture. – Jacquelyn Mitchard

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Funny Friendship Quote About Advice

“Friendship will not stand the strain of very much good advice for very long” – Robert Lynd

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Funny Quote About Marriage Life

“The formula for a happy marriage? It’s the same as the one for living in California: when you find a fault, don’t dwell on it.” – Jay Trachman

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List Of Differences Between Love And Marriage Joke

Top 10 differences between love and marriage

  1. Love is cuddling on the couch. Marriage is deciding which couch.
  2. Love is a flickering flame. Marriage is a flickering TV.
  3. Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
  4. Love is talking about having kids. Marriage is talking of getting a break from the kids.
  5. Love is sweet nothing in the ear. Marriage is nothing in the bank.
  6. Love is when you phone each other just to say Hi. Marriage is when you phone each other to find out when to pick up the kids.
  7. Love is like one long sweet dream. Marriage is like an alarm clock.
  8. Love is when you say you would go through hell for her. Marriage is hell.
  9. Love is when you decide to become one. Marriage is when you try to decide which one.
  10. Love is when he yearns for her. Marriage is when he earns for her.
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Top 10 List Of Funny Excuses For Missing Work

  1. I couldn’t find a cute pair of shoes to wear.
  2. While driving to work I missed the turn, I decided to keep going.
  3. An invisible car came out of nowhere, slammed into my car and vanished.
  4. I won’t be in today.. uhm….I’ll call back later with my excuse.
  5. I’m having a bad hair day and I have to go home to wash it.
  6. My wife said she is going to conceive today, and I think I should be there.
  7. The dog ate my car keys. We’re going to walk to the veterinarian.
  8. I locked myself in the bathroom.
  9. My cat hid my car key, she gets lonely when I’m not here.
  10. I left the bedroom window open last night and in the morning it was too cold to get out of bed.
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Top Ten Signs You May Be A Redneck, Redneck Jokes

Not sure if you’re a Redneck? Take the ultimate Redneck test. One point for each yes. Three points or higher and you are indeed a redneck!

  1. You think “seven to eleven” pounds on the box of diapers means how much the diaper will hold.
  2. You name your kids after the car they were conceived in.
  3. You have a bumper stick which reads, “my kid whipped your honor students a$$”.
  4. Your 14 year old smokes in front of her kid.
  5. Any of your children are the result of a conjugal visit.
  6. You know your Daddy’s name is X because that’s what it says on your birth certificate.
  7. You spent a significant amount of your early childhood in the child care room at the bowling alley.
  8. Your child has asked you “Why don’t you marry Mommy?”
  9. You chose the opening day of deer season over attending your daughters wedding.
  10. Your kids nightlight is a neon bar sign.

Adapted from “The Redneck Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree” by Jeff Foxworthy

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Music Gone Bad Joke

When you are about 45 something terrible always happens to music.

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