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Category Archives: Death Jokes
Jack and Susan are on a blind date at a nice restaurant.
The date is going terrible and Jack just wants to leave, but he can’t because they are waiting for the main course to arrive.
Fortunately, Jack, an experienced dater has foreseen this happening and has arraigned with a friend to call him midway through the date to see how things are going.
His friend finally calls his cell phone, Jack answers, listens for a minute and says, “Oh No!”. He hangs up and tells Susan, “I have to go my grandmother just died.”
Susan, also an experience dater says, “Thank goodness, my grandmother was about to die!”
Funny Conversation Overheard at The Cemetery
A crowd gathers at the Cemetery, as an elderly women’s burial service is finishing up.
As they lower the lady into her grave, there is a load outburst of thunder with flashes of lighting.
“Yep, she’s there” says the husband to the shaken priest.
Sandy, an older women in her fifties, has a near death experience on the operating table. She sees God who tells her not to worry she has at least another thirty years to live.
Sandy decides she’s anyway in the hospital and she had another thirty years to live, she should make the most of it. She has plastic surgery on her face, Botox and breast augmentation.
A few week later she’s crossing the street and gets hit by a car and is killed. She comes up to heaven and sees God.
“I don’t understand,” she says to God “You said I had another thirty years?”
God answers her, “I didn’t recognize you.”
Dave has been a cheap tight-wad his whole life.
His family gathers around him as he lies on his death bed.
Dave peers up at them and asks, “Is everybody here? Where’s Bessie?”
“I’m here.” his wife says.
“We’re here, Dad” they reply.
“Don’t worry Dave, everybody’s here.” Bessie reassures him.
Dave jumps up in bed and yells, “Well, if everybody’s here then why is the light on in the kitchen!”
Q. What would you do if you knew the world was going to end in 2 weeks?
A. Go visit my mother-in-laws for 2 weeks.
Q. Why your mother-in-laws home?
A. They would be the longest 2 weeks in my life!